I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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