we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
