Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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