Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
