I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
