You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
