The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
