I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
