Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
