apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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