Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
