I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
