Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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