i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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