SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
