Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
