some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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