Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
