That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was confusing and full of hummus
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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