Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Damn victory sex feels great
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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