I didn't shave. On purpose
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
