My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
