the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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