At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
