don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
