just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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