Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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