laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
