like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
