shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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