god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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