Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
nutella sex= disaster
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
