she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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