it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
