what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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