Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
