There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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