my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
