so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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