I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
