By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
