whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
where does the pee come out of this thing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
