My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
