State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
