What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
