OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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