I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
