Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
