There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
