Michael Bay diarrhea
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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