so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
