he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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