i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
